You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
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At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’
‘Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.’
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A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
‘Husband Wanted’
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
‘You can have mine.’
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, ‘Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?’
Father replied, ‘I don’t know, son, I’m still paying.’
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A young son asked,
‘Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?’

Dad replied, ‘That happens in every country, son.’
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Then there was a woman who said, ‘I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.’
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say — talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it wasn’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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First guy says, ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second guy remarks, ‘You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.’
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A Woman’s Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll just beat him to death.

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9) The least pretty woman on a night out gets off with the georgeous guy and you lose respect for him.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong !
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard
32) You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
I got this from another website and it made me smile.

This blog is an outlet for my words and pictures.

Please feel free to comment on any of them.

Regards.